Introduction

Welcome to my blog! I tend to be a bit wordy, so I will do my best to be as concise as possible. For starters, I am a 36 year old male. I reside in southern NH (though born, raised, and still employed in the Boston area). I am divorced. I do not intend to get into my marriage or other failed relationships in this blog at any real depths. I'll speak to the impacts of my gender behavior on the relationships, but not too much more. I am not here to defame any former partners. Each separation and break up was painful in its own way and yet a relief in its own way. Each significant relationship involved children to whom I grew very close. That is perhaps the most painful part. In both relationships gender issues were an issue. At first the women in my life were OK with it, perhaps not truly understanding what it is all about. How could they? I was still trying to figure it all out. My ex-wife to her credit at least tried to learn and tried to accept. My most recent failed relationship "accepted" it as long cross dressing or other indications of gender variant behavior were kept completely hidden from others. Stupidly I went along with this. I know now this is not acceptance. This is perhaps among the most self-destructive behaviors= I have ever engaged in. This resulted in dressing in secret, hiding clothes in my car, dressing late at night, and feeling genuinely ashamed of who I am and GUILTY and like a DEVIANT and FREAK worthy only of the Jerry Springer Show. I'll touch on these at different postings of this blog. If I tell too much too soon you may all lose interest. I wouldn't want that, as I need to tell my story, hear your input, and together we can all LEARN and GROW!

At the present I am involved with a truly wonderful woman who is fully accepting of me. From time to time I may speak of her, especially with respect to her support and love for me and our eventual family. We do hope to grow to a point where we may marry someday. At this point we considers ourselves a committed monogamous couple. I believe I have finally found my life partner... :)

My goals for this blog are as stated above: tell my story, hear your input, and together we can all LEARN and GROW! How to get there may be a bit of meandering path. I say that because while reflecting on a journey requires reflecting on the past, it does so in relation to your condition in the present. Additionally, gender is not a flat line. Each person's presentation of their gender changes at different times of their lives or under certain circumstances. We all have components of feminine and masculine within ourselves. If we were all completely exclusive, then men and women would truly be from disparate terrestial bodies. Despite certain authors claim, this is DEFINITELY NOT THE CASE. I exhibit feminine and masculine with an incredibly strong draw to the feminine and a desire and NEED to live as a woman. More to come.......